I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
