he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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