my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
