I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
