What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
