Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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