is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This toilet bowl is my home.
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