You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
