fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
