Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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