Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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