So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
