Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
