yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize