I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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