Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
