You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
