I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
