He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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