Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
