shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
