Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry my hands just texted you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
