Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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