YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
