Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
