Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
