i just had sex bonerless
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
