I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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