Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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