Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
