think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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