i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
