people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
