Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
