She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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