i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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