I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
