remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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