I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
