i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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