dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
