Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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