im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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