we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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