my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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