I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
