i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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