I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
