yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
