Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
