he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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