Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
