explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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