God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
