So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
