I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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