Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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