Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
