if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
