Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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