I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
