if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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