If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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