duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
