Whod you bang
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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