I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
