God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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