it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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