i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
