someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the liver wants what the liver wants
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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