i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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