so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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