just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i would punch a child for taco bell
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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