You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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